Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
