You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
