I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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