Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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