marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
