I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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