my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
