So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
