I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
