she woke up with a sticky ear
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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