so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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