what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
