He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
