two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
