dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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