benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
