he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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