I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
