Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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