new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
