last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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