I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
