Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
