Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
