life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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