I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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