the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I touched a dick in church today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize