clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
