I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize