my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
