Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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