if you like me you must not know who I am
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
