Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
