Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
