I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize