So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
