Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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