Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
