ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
