6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
