threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
