Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
