I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
