Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
