I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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