There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
