I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i love accidental penises.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
