I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
