At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
