I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
being pregnant is like rehab
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
