lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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