I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
