You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
