I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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