Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
