Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
