I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
